DICK MOVES

A “dick move” is defined as being any action that requires an outstanding amount of courage and a remarkable lack of forethought.

You: BOOOYAAAA! I just did my girlfriend’s sister. Me: Dick move.

Pulling a “dick move” is engaging in an egregious, selfish and usually public stunt, i.e. a cock-block or dumping a workload unnecessarily upon a friend or coworker. The exclamation of the phrase “Dick move!” in a high, nasal voice is sometimes the only socially acceptable recourse. Other common reactions include “Shenanigans!”, “Bullshit!” and, a personal favorite, “BULLSHIT SHENANIGANS!”.

John likes Cindy. Erik likes Cindy. Erik and John are friends. Erik intentionally keeps Cindy busy at a party (”cock-blocks” John). John finds out about it after the fact, and yells “Dick move!” Given the nature of their friendship, violence may or may not occur.

Sadly, I deal with an average of about 5.7 dick moves a day. (Nothing as gay as what those kids in the video were doing though) Even more sad, I probably commit about 6.3 dick moves daily so it all balances out from my prospective.

They said we should try to be like Jesus. However, some people view this as a form of committing a dick move.

I was at the barber shop once and, before I got into the chair, my barber was in a heated debate with one of the other barbers and his customer over who was better, Kobe or Lebron.

Chris: “Nigga, Kobe dropped 81!”

Rob:  “So Lebron was MVP this year!”

In the Chair: ” In the playoffs, Lebron averaged 35 points a game.  9 rebounds and 7 assist. Kobe only averaged 30 points, 5 rebounds, and 6 assists a game. Really it’s 5.5 but I just rounded it to the nearest tenth.”

Okay now do you see the difference between the first two guys and the last guy (in the chair)? Clearly this guy watches Sportscenter all fucking day so that whenever he encounters a conversation dealing with sports he can show off his statistical prowess. -Dick Move!

My car is out of commission right now, so I called my friend to give me a ride to campus. Now this guy already owes me some money but he had the daft to actually charge me $5 dollars for this. - Dick Move!

When Kanye West took Talyor Swifts shine at the MTV awards…. -Dick Move!

Sometimes Dick moves can shed light on certain things: Like the fact that Beyonce probaly should have won that award. So, in my book, Kanye's good.

I write a lot of notes on facebook about controversial topics and there is always somebody who doesn’t agree with my point of view. It’s not a dick move to disagree. It is, however, a dick move to attack other people (namely me in this case) becasue you don’t agree with thier perspective.

I wrote a note about something that bugs me one day and some guy decided to call me a jack ass in his comment. -Dick Move!

As for the first part:

How about someone had a bad day, no one was around to vent to, and they got on Facebook hoping a friend was on, but wasn’t, and with no way to vent, they chose this? It’s not pretty, but who the hell are you to judge them? I sure hope that if I ever have an engagement called off or my dog dies or a family member is in the hospital, that I get someone more understanding reading my status than you… cause your egg breakfast was spoiled by the fact that bad shit happens. Sounds more like you should either unfriend them… or mature a little and stop thinking of yourself. Other people hurt, and it’s not pretty.

As for the first rest:

I am in agreement with you….

I know this is just my opinion, but the way you opened this really misleads from the validity of the rest of your note. You have very good points, but that opener makes you sound like a jackass.

He's not a dick but you gotta admit, the caption is funny.

Of course, as i said before, I commit about 6.3 dick moves a day myself. (this keep the odds in my favor)And the only way to counter a dick move is with another dickier dick move. So I retorted with:

For the record, I am a jackass and Everyone who knows me (or more importantly everyone who was tagged in this note) is already aware of this, so that wasn’t a huge revelation. But game must recognize game. I see that you are fond of giving your opinion even when it isn’t asked for,(a real jackass move) but I appreciate you doing so because without it, as you seem to already be aware of, the world would cease to revolve around the sun and life as we know it would come to complete standstill. No seriously, I really love how you described the scenario with the loser who had a bad day and needed to vent and since there’s no such thing as Jesus, Family, cellphones, a dog, or whatever he/she turned to facebook to see if a friend was online that would listen to (or read in this case) their problems without “judging” them.(tear)

How original and at the same time pathetic.

I’m glad you agree with the note though. I’ve been a jackass for about 21 years or so and with that comes the uncanny ability to recognize another one from a mile away. But you made it too easy, leaving your sarcastic comment that is highly critical and judgemental of the “opening” of my note rather than the actual point. Way to go jackass, you just graduated from being an extreme douchebag to a novice hater.

Stop thinking of myself!? C’mon you of all people should know that we jackasses never under any circumstances think of anyone but ourselves. That’s why you put your comment and made it a point to show off your awesome critiqing skills to everyone. (another classic jackass move, I must tip my hat to you.) But you are right. Bad things do happen and they aren’t always pretty. I have my opinion as you do yours and when we voice them openly on facebook we run the risk of other people “judging”, “becoming annoyed with”, and yes even ” copy and paste-ing” them. however, it would be extremely naïve and sophmoric of us to be mad @ that. This is a social utility and no matter how many more apps the people down at facebook headquarters add to this site to make it seem more personal, it will always be just that: A “SOCIAL” networking website and if you, I, or Brittany decide to post personal feelings, views, or cynical comments we do so @ our own risk.

They decided "not" to comb my hair before this picture - Dick Move

Let’s do lunch.

How about you guys/gals? Has anyone ever committed a dick move against you? Let the world know your frustration…..

Can you suck,

A. Dick