from solarnavigator.net"I would rather have a prostate exam on live television by a guy with very cold hands than have a facebook page," US Weekly quotes George Clooney as saying in its October 12 issue.
“I would rather have a prostate exam on live television by a guy with very cold hands than have a Facebook page,” George Clooney is quoted as saying in US Weekly’s Oct. 12 issue.
I guess I can understand. I can see how being looked at virtually naked by millions of people–his body bent over an exam table with his buttocks exposed while a cold-handed man sticks a finger inside his rectum–could be worse than participating in a social networking site.
Why, not a day has gone by when I haven’t felt the need to wash my jellied, exposed, and violated sphincter after jotting notes to friends or family I rarely see because they live across the country, or clicking links provided on Facebook by, I don’t know, places like Book Wish, informing me of the importance of education for the refugees in Darfur.
Networking sites, as we all know, are for the IRL (that’s “In Real Life”, to Mr. Clooney) socially inept. The awkward. The lonely. The desperate. The needy.
It’s because Mr. Clooney is so opposed to such nerdity that I know he didn’t create his own Facebook fan page. That the page was created to allow worldwide fans a place to comment on, and inadvertently (or even vertently) promote, his career in movies must be a constant source (or at least a sporadic source) of embarrassment. In fact, it’s such a disservice to his distaste for such websites that I’m tempted to write Facebook a letter on his behalf, ask them to take it down, take it down! Mister Clooney doesn’t want this!
His fans, the people who pay exorbitant movie theater prices to watch him do his portrayals of various fictional characters, should feel guilty flaunting his visage all over the world wide web. It is but a pastime, the web. A place to play. A place to jot “LOL” and “STFU” to people who have nothing more important to say than “FWIW” and “YMMV.”
Mr. Clooney is a serious man with a real life. Real friends. He doesn’t need silly Facebook. What is it, after all? Some cyberspace gathering for people with overflowing earwax, taped glasses, and body odor, that’s what. It’s certainly not of any real use. It can’t possibly have any redeeming social or charitable value that would possibly interest someone like Mr. Clooney, who has real concerns about things like the ongoing atrocities in Darfur.
If he had a Facebook page, he’d probably just be hassled by fans who love his movies (unless he adjusted his privacy settings, in which case no obnoxious movie-goers could even break through to say “Dude! Thanks for being so AWESOME in ‘Brother Where Art Thou’!!!”). And surely he, like most of us, uses the phone and email – hey, maybe even a handwritten letter – to communicate with those he loves and who love him.
Indeed. A cold finger up the ass DOES sound more appealing than using a website like Facebook, regularly used by more than 200 million people.
Well…
Unless you’re George Clooney.
“…[E]very day we don’t do something, and every day this goes on, thousands of people are dying and dying horrific deaths,” Clooney said about the situation in Darfur. [ABC News, April 30, 2006]
But, really. What use can Facebook possibly be for something so…well, so real?
Hm.
(scratches chin)
Lemme see…
Facebook to track Darfur suspects
Unreported Crisis Darfur News: A collection of Bloggers: Help!
Divest Nebraska! Help end the genocide in Darfur
Help Darfur now at Mira Costa
Be a Voice for Darfur
Students Use the internet to help Darfur
EMI spreading viral video in Facebook to raise awareness for Darfur
But, still.
Better to have a finger up the ass.
_____
P.S. I know you’ll never read this, George Clooney, but I want to add that I really do love your movies and think you’ve been nothing but classy in your interviews. However, what you said about Facebook warranted comment.
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